Why is a raven
by Mimi-dudette
Summary: …like a writing desk? ' When Alice leaves Heart Castle in a foul mood, Boris decides it's nothing short than his duty to cheer her up. And how better than with a game of riddles? BorisxAlice


'**Why is a raven…**

…_like a writing desk?' When Alice leaves Heart Castle in a foul mood, Boris decides it's nothing short than his duty to cheer her up. And how better than with a game of riddles?

* * *

_

Heart castle rose from the ground grandly, a spectacular mix of gothic spires and fairy-tale hearts. It reached royally for the sky, panes of glass reflecting the light like studded diamonds, surrounded by a selection of exotic and lavish gardens. Joining together the patches of well-tended greenery was a complex maze of strict hedges, the beauty of which could only fully appreciated by the birds that flew above.

Patrolling the maze in a stern, rhythmic pattern was a collection of tireless guards, though their cycle had left a certain primly-cut hedge completely clear. Suddenly, two leather-clad hands appeared on the top of it, positioning themselves for a second before they tensed as a figure heaved himself upwards. First two alert, twitching cat ears appeared, shortly followed by a shock of violet and fuchsia hair. Then, slowly, they were joined by two bright golden eyes, which carefully surveyed the area.

Eyes shining in satisfaction when he saw no obvious signs of guards - which was good enough for him - the figure jumped up onto the top of the hedge with all the stealth of a cat, barely resting for a second before he began to lightly scoot along it. Feeling slightly smug, he smirked to himself and twitched his pierced tail in a self-congratulating kind of way as he continued. He suddenly noticed a guard appear around a corner in front of him, much closer than he expected, and hurriedly ducked and rolled off the hedge like a gymnast, tail held out straight for balance. He landed on the pebbled ground on all fours, making as little noise as possible (which was quite a feat, with the amount of chains he had hanging off his clothes).

He couldn't be seen. Alice wouldn't like that. Though being so careful did slightly dull the rebellious thrill that came with sneaking in - what was more fun than a good game of kill-or-be-killed after all? - he had to make sure he didn't get hurt, or _die _for that matter, because Alice would be mad. And dying would kind of suck, if he couldn't see her again. So, he was playing it extra-safe.

He edged towards an elegant arch in the hedge and glanced through it; the guard was striding off in the opposite direction, oblivious.

Grinning, he picked himself up and trotted lightly along an unfamiliar path - not that one hedge looked any different from another -, feeling the breeze brush towards his face. He sniffed at it, absentmindedly tugging his fur securely around his shoulders. He couldn't smell anyone about… just hedgerow… roses… and was someone cooking fish?

Ooh, fish.

_Kitchens, here I come._

With a new spring in his step, he quickened his pace and was about to take a running jump at a hedge, when another smell suddenly came to him. A rather… _awesome smelling _smell.

The cat-boy froze and then glanced to his right, curiosity piped. Recognising who it was with a happy grin, he instantly changed direction and jogged around a corner. Running up to another hedge in a quick trot, he jumped up elegantly, placed his hands on the top and heaved himself upwards so he was leaning over it, right over a long-haired girl in a prim, frilly dress and a clean white apron.

"Oi!" he called eagerly. "Alice!"

The girl jumped out of her thoughts and quickly turned round, startled. She blinked up at him.

"Boris," Alice acknowledged in surprise, before her expression turned into one of annoyance. As Boris easily jumped down in front of her, she added accusingly, "What are you doing here?"

"Nothing," he quipped sheepishly. When her answer was only a deadpan glare, he held up his gloved hands and defended hurriedly, "I was being extra careful, honest! Look - I'm not hurt at all, see?"

She rose her eyebrows but otherwise didn't reply and simply pressed her lips into a line before carrying on walking, a certain irritation in her stride. Boris gave her a confused, wide-eyed look for a second before trotting after her, sparing the direction of the kitchens one last longing glance. As he caught up with everyone's favourite outsider, he turned round so he could jog backwards and peer curiously at her expression (Alice noticed that her friend was, for some reason, walking backwards but just went with it; it wasn't like it was the strangest thing people did around here).

She seemed irritated and kept huffing, glaring behind her every now and again at where the elaborate spires of the heart castle could still be seen. His trademark curiosity instantly sparked, wondering just what had happened to get her so irritated, but he hesitated as a kinder instinct made itself known.

He thought for second, adjusting his fur around him, before finally getting an idea and chirping brightly, "Hey Alice! Fancy a game?"

Alice blinked out of her thoughts and frowned at him. "A game…? I don't like the sort of games you play."

"No guns, promise. It's just a riddle." He grinned impishly and winked. "If you can work it out by the next daytime, you win. If you don't, I win. And I get a prize."

She quirked an eyebrow, mild amusement on her face at his one-sided rules.

"So, what if I win?" she prompted, though any real enthusiasm was decidedly lacking from her voice; she wasn't that good at riddles unless she really put her mind to it and she honestly wasn't in the mood for that right now. "Do I get a prize?"

"'Course. Whatever you like."

Then again, it might be a long time until the next day…

Alice paused and thought about it, more because of the eagerly exited look on Boris' face than any real greed for the prize. Was there anything she wanted? Moreover, was there anything she wanted that only Boris could get her? Not really…

She was about to dryly point this out, when an idea struck her and she actually smirked smugly, eyeing her cat-like friend with a slightly evil look in her eye. Boris smiled and blinked back innocently - or as innocently as he could look anyway.

"This is my prize then," she announced, his ears twitching to attention, "if I win, then you're not allowed to sneak into the heart castle anymore."

His face instantly fell dramatically, before huffing and rearranging itself into a disgruntled pout. "That's not fair," he insisted defensively. "I've been careful - I haven't got hurt in ages!"

"I still worry about you. I don't like it."

"You worry too much, Alice. I already _promised_ I won't die."

"Jeeze… well, you can't sneak in for a week then."

"But-"

"Final offer," she drawled, wondering wryly why she even bothered. "That's my prize. Or I won't play."

Boris paused to frown sulkily, though he didn't really need to consider it; he just wanted a moment to contemplate the utter boredom of a week like that. He'd have to search for entertainment elsewhere… like in Alice, perhaps? He instantly grinned widely at that thought - a week of Alice, brought on by the girl herself, didn't sound bad at all - before announcing quickly, "Fine, that can be your prize. But you have to think of an answer to my riddle first!"

Alice gave him an half-smile and then paused as a thought occurred to her. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "You didn't say what your prize is," she accused, to which he smirked wider.

"Too bad - you already agreed to play! I've decided to tell you my prize when I-"

"If."

"-_if_ I win." He grinned teasingly and poked her nose, making her frown. "You could have withheld your prize too," he pointed out, "but you told me. Too bad!"

They had walked into the mouth of the evergreen forest by now, a canvas of leafy greens, woody browns and muddy reds. Dim sun filtered through the overhead canopy of lush leaves and made dappled patterns dance across the shrubbery. Alice instantly started down a well-trodden path that she knew led to the clock tower, but Boris trotted off in a slightly different direction, into the darker and denser trees; maybe a shortcut to the amusement park, Alice mused to herself as she glanced after him.

"You forgot to tell me the riddle," she reminded him in a shout, pausing in her stride.

"No, I didn't."

He paused and rolled his head to look over his shoulder at her, a smooth, cocky smirk on his lips. A flyaway speck of light forced its way through the trees and caught his feline eyes, making them shine bright and golden from the dim shadows.

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

And then he side-stepped behind a tree and, for all intents and purposes, completely disappeared.

Alice sighed. _Show off.

* * *

_

The long-haired outsider had first visited the castle in order to see Vivaldi on a whimsical visit. She hadn't seen her in what felt like ages, and she had grim feeling of duty to go to make sure she wasn't causing any heads to roll. After being sent in several different directions by servants who were only guessing, she finally came across Peter White who chirpily informed her that, unfortunately, the Queen was visiting the Country of Clovers on official business.

"But," he added, trying and failing to suppress a giddy grin, "she'll be pleased to know you came for her. But don't hide true intentions, my dear! You can spend time with _me_ now you're here!"

She had been getting frustrated before, but that just took the biscuit. Scowling at the pointlessness of the last hour or so and the rhyming drivel that came out of his mouth, she'd turned on her heel and stalked off, keen to get out while she still could. Sadly, with no guide and with Peter being deliberately unhelpful and clingy, hoping to sleep next to her again no doubt, it hadn't taken long for her to get completely lost.

So, not surprisingly, by the time she'd found her way out, told Peter to go die in a hole, and then bumped into Boris sneaking in, she'd been in a thoroughly bad mood.

Her mood would have undoubtedly affected her for the rest of the day, if her cat-like friend hadn't successfully managed to give her something to brood on other than her petty irritation. If she closed her eyes, she could still see the teasing smile turned mischievous smirk on his face, his eye that wasn't covered in a flop of fuchsia hair glinting brightly from the shadows.

"_Why is a raven like a writing desk?" _

Funny, she almost felt like she'd heard that one somewhere before… Well, whatever.

Alice pursed her lips thoughtfully as she mused on it all the way through the forest, the day creepily switching smoothly to the dead of night as she began to trot up the stairs of the clock tower. She considered asking Julius for a moment, but quickly decided against it; it seemed like cheating and, for some reason, she was determined not to do anything of the sort.

_Why is a raven… _

'Well,' she thought logically as she habitually began to make Julius some coffee after she'd greeted him, stirring the silver spoon slowly. 'It must be a pun of some sort. Probably a bad one. So they both must do something which sounds alike. You write letters at a writing desk, and ravens fly around and scare people… Well, that doesn't help. A desk and a bird. They both seem totally random…'

She sighed.

Julius sipped the coffee. "48," he decided with a frown, obviously unimpressed.

She sighed harder.

After stubbornly waiting until he'd finished that drink and then determinedly making him another one, this time with no distracting thoughts of Boris - thoughts of Boris's _riddle, _that is -, she received a much more satisfactory score of 86, along with an exasperated order to go to bed because she was being 'annoying'.

Alice huffed but did what he said anyway, thoughts wandering again to creepy black birds with piercing eyes, dark wooden desks littered with quills and parchment, and two golden eyes peering out from the shadows…

* * *

Boris trod over the dried mud of the forest path, a cocky smirk on his lips and a spring in his step. He jumped lightly over clumps of grass and sticks, and watched birds and butterflies fly and buzz around with his purple ears twitching, as though he was considering chasing them.

The cat-boy was on his way to see Alice and was in a decisively good mood. Whether she had an answer to the riddle or not, it was sort of a win-win situation. He'd get his prize or he'd get an 'Alice-week'. Either way, he was going to be entertained, though he had to admit that, on the slim chance she _did_ beat him, it would kind of suck not to be able to play in his enemy's territory.

Boris suddenly stopped as he noticed none other than Alice, not far away, sitting in a patch of bouncy fresh grass and leaning against a thick mahogany tree with her hands folded primly in her lap. Her face was turned skywards and her eyes were distant, glazed and thoughtful. '_Over thinking again,_' Boris mused delightedly to himself, a wide grin spreading over his face as he noticed her frown in deep thought. It was kind of funny.

Determined not to make any noise and alert her of his presence, he gracefully snuck up behind the tree, with all the silent stealth of a cat - go figure. He lent round it, just to double-check that she was too engrossed in her thoughts to notice him, and then grinned and impulsively did the first thing that came to him.

He bent down and licked her cheek.

Alice instantly jumped as she felt something sudden and moist across her cheek. The girl's face understandably burned an interesting shade of scarlet when she whipped her head round and realised, to her mild horror, what it was.

"B-_Boris_!" she exclaimed, pink-faced and flustered as she promptly pushed the grinning cat's head away from her. "What are- what are you doing?"

"Surprising you," he chuckled, completely nonchalant in his usual carefree manner as he stuck out a hand to help her up. Alice ignored it and firmly stood up by herself, mildly irritated at both her friend and the stubborn blush staining her profile. She was about to speak again but he impatiently interrupted her, face full of happy curiosity as he asked eagerly, "So, did you work out the riddle, Alice? I bet you didn't. Did you? It was a really good one. Did you think of an answer?"

Alice sighed, dreading what she was about to say, especially as he was looking decisively smugger by the second. She steeled herself and then admitted grudgingly, "…I couldn't think of one. Alright? You win."

A chuffed grin instantly brightened his face and Alice sighed as he announced delightedly, "I win, I win! Too bad, Alice; I guess outsiders just suck at riddles."

She pouted before demanding almost stubbornly, "Well? What's the answer to it then?"

Boris paused in his self-congratulating and shrugged. "Beats me."

"…Huh?"

"I made it up on the spot. I don't think it actually has an answer."

"…_What_?"

He smiled innocently at her as Alice's jaw dropped in disbelief and her cheeks flushed; she spent all that time thinking of an answer to an _unanswerable riddle_? She had a sudden urge to yank his tail. _Hard_. "That's not fair!" she spluttered in pure irritation, not realising how childish she sounded. "Boris! How could I have won if the riddle didn't have an answer?"

"Give me _any _answer," he replied simply, winking at her teasingly. His eyes suddenly brightened as he added, "But I thought of an answer last night! Just to prove there can be one."

She gave him a dry look for a few moments before finally drawling, "Alright. What was your answer?"

"Because there is a B in both and an N in neither!"

"…Boris, that's really bad…"

"Eh, you think so? I thought it was kind of awesome," he admitted thoughtfully, before grinning and adding, "I've got another one too - listen! Because the notes for which they are noted are not noted for being musical notes!"

Alice cracked and finally, to Boris' delight, chuckled quietly. "Well, I suppose that one makes _sense_…" she relented, vaguely amused. She paused and then added in what she hoped was a somewhat scolding tone, "But you still should have had a riddle with an _answer_. A raven and a writing desk are so _random_."

He cocked his head in thought, his bright hair brushing across his brow, before shrugging it off casually and saying, "Well, it got your mind off it, didn't it?"

Alice blinked at him. "…Got my mind off _what_?" she asked, slightly bewildered.

"Whatever you were annoyed about. It got your mind off it. I don't like it when you're frowning like that; you should be smiling."

Alice stared at him blankly for a few seconds before it finally clicked; he was talking about when she got so annoyed at Peter (not that he knew that). Half of her wanted to snort in disbelief, and the other half wanted to scratch him behind the ears like she did with Dinah when she was acting particularly adorable. The fact he'd done it all out of concern was so sweet, in a pointless, _Boris_ type of way.

She smiled softly at him and then, in a less resentful tone than she might have adopted thirty seconds ago, said easily, "Well, fair or not, I suppose one should always keep their word. What was your prize?"

Boris beamed at her, adjusted his fur and announced in a very smug voice, "Kiss me."

Alice stared. It took a total of ten whole seconds for his words to process and a hot blush to stain her cheeks in fluster. "Wh-_what_?" she spluttered, deciding to interpret her heart's sudden powerful and burning pounds as something akin to horror.

"That's my prize," Boris clarified smoothly, eyes shining bright and lips twitching into a teasing smirk as he measured her reaction with far too much enjoyment. "You agreed to whatever I wanted if I won. Remember? And I want you to kiss me."

As an honorary cat, Boris always got over embarrassment very quickly, if he ever felt any at all; any embarrassment that came with asking the girl he loved to kiss him had fizzled out long before he found her sitting in the grass, so now he was completely comfortable as he grinned and teasingly bent his head closer to her. Alice, who _could_ feel - and _was _feeling - the acute embarrassment of the situation, didn't take too kindly to his offered face and promptly shoved a hand at it, pushing it to the side.

"No way!" she announced stubbornly, one hand to her cheek, which felt horribly hot under her fingertips.

"You agreed!" Boris countered instantly, ducking away from her abusive hand and peering at her impishly from beneath his bright fuchsia hair. "You can't abandon a game halfway through, Alice."

'Games, games, games. Everything seems to be a game here…' Alice mused dryly to herself, frowning intensely at her polished red shoes. She couldn't help but wonder whether this fluster was born from the fact that it was Boris, or just because she would be the one actually _doing_ it, instead of being the one things were often done _to_.

With a small sigh, Alice steeled herself and then, in a burst of - what - bravery? Stubbornness? Pride? - looked up at him again. The sight of his golden feline eyes and smiling, waiting lips however, sent her face flushing an uncomfortable pink and she hurriedly remedied this by - once again - violently shoving a hand in his face.

Boris couldn't help letting out a childish and impatient whine as her hand connected with his head, pushing it to the side and covering his eyes, where it stayed, essentially blinding him. He was about to complain loudly - '_Play by the rules, Alice!_' - when he suddenly sensed her shifting closer. The cat-boy froze wonderingly and cocked his head very slightly as he felt her breath hesitantly brush against his cheek.

A wide, contented smile instantly graced his face when he felt her lips press clumsily against his cheek, warm, soft, wonderful.

"There," she said quietly, hesitating slightly before finally letting her hand drop from his eyes, revealing her stubborn and mildly pink face. "You never said it had to be on the lips."

"Nope." Boris grinned blissfully at her, the dopey content on his face akin to a purring cat who had just been scratched behind the ear in _just_ the right place. "Hey Alice," he chirped, a sudden mischievous spark jumping around in his bright golden eyes again.

Alice - who had been busy informing herself that no, she wasn't at all self conscious about how close they were standing - narrowed her eyes in well-grounded suspicion and crossed her arms over her apron. "…What?"

He beamed, ears twitching. "Kiss me again."

"_What_? No! I-it was only once for your stupid prize, Boris."

"Yeah, I know. I just want you to kiss me again."

Her face flattened into an unimpressed frown and she promptly turned on her heel, away from her annoying, persistent, irritating, worrying, maddening and very slightly _wonderful _best friend. She brushed some imaginary dust off her powder blue dress as she walked away and drawled over her shoulder, "Don't push your luck."

"Aww, Alice," he cooed teasingly, chuckling. She jumped as, all at once, a gloved hand was at her wrist and a pair of lips whispered softly into her ear, before kissing her cheek, "But that's how you have fun."

The colour rushed to her face instantly and she quickly whipped her head round to look at him, flustered and irritated. But when she turned she found the lush grassy area behind her completely empty, emphasised by the lonely speckled light shifting over the still greenery.

Boris had, in his usual cat-like and mysterious manner, disappeared.

Alice smiled.

_Show off.

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_

**A/N: I'm not sure if I like the end product or not, but this was fun to write. Especially Boris! I hope you liked it C:**

**I've only read the manga and this is my first attempt at HnKnA, so please tell me if the characters were off. I love constructive criticism! I've read somewhere about Boris occasionally disappearing and reappearing in the game, and this seemed so awesomely Cheshire-Cat-like that I had to write it in xD**

**Hope you enjoyed. Please review!**

**xxx

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_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Heart no Kuno no Alice (or Alice in the country of Hearts), no more than I own the riddle.  
The riddle belongs to the nonsensical genius of Lewis Carroll.  
The possible answers belong to the few people who tried to make sense of him. Silly, silly people._


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